@Miss_Firefly_: My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I'm suspicious that I'm up to something i dont want myself to know about.
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@squirrel74wkgn: I tried sliding across the hood of my Camaro, but my pony tail got caught in the windshield wiper.
@1Happytwit: You should never bribe someone to get what you want. You should blackmail them, it's cheaper and much more effective.
@KalvinMacleod: *hires skywriter Will you take me back if I stop wasting our money on frivolous things?
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Why should we hire you for our research team?" Me: "I went to the second page on a Google search once."