@PaulyPeligroso: My mind's telling me "No!" But my body, my body's telling me "There's that chicken salad in the fridge."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@longwall26: One time dad asked what my five-year plan was, and I said "death or becoming a pirate king" and he threw my cat Alan at me
@graceful_asfuck: [Burger Lounge] Server: Are you 27? Me: OMG NO I'M 39 THANK U SO MUCH U MADE MY DAY Server: I meant your order number, ma'am.
@cerebralbeef: The way to cure your loneliness is to get on out there! But first, be better looking. And stop being yourself, that's obviously not working.