@thatguyJA: My minivan has this cool anti-theft system called its a minivan
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@MikeDrucker: Yelp is a fun game where you try to guess between whether a restaurant is bad or a reviewer is crazy.
@JB4Realz: If you ever come across a bear in the wild, throw a tiny bicycle at him. Then, just let his circus instincts take care of the rest.
@tastefactory: DOCTOR: Here's some medicine, for your well-being. GUY WHO HAS SOMEONE CAPTIVE IN HIS WELL: *thinking* How does he know about the Well Being
@jwoodham: Can't wait to say "I haven't seen you since last year!" to everyone I see next week. I'm a very popular person with thousands of friends.