@thatguyJA: My minivan has this cool anti-theft system called its a minivan
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@Matty_Softmitts: So say some animals *were* injured in the making of a film. Is that listed in the credits or what? "Bob hurt one bird. He's very sorry."
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: (Rushes to hospital) Dr: Your mother is extremely critical. Me: Don't overreact doctor, she's like that with everyone.
@drewtoothpaste: I love it when websites pop up a box to make me subscribe to read, and I always enter my real email address because it's important.
@jonnysun: "to my son, i leave my bathroom scale" the lawyer sighs "because where theres a will, theres a weigh. to my wife, i leave my last high five"