@StellaGMaddox: My minivan is always rocking, but it's usually because I'm trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
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@AndyAsAdjective: Oh sweet embrace of morning, envelope me in your welcoming arms & brightly shine on this glorious GODDAMMIT! WHO DIDN'T FLUSH THE TOILET?!
@jackiembouvier: [Me and coworker going for the last piece of cake] You'd better ask yourself if you can type with one hand, Nancy from Accounting.
@asimplesean: Just saw a dog with three legs. He did have a fourth leg, but he also had three legs.