@toni_goldsetin: My mom always has these great sayings for life, like "Don't count your chickens before they hatch" and "Everybody hates you."
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@KeetPotato: Yes, I'd like to return this pizza "is there a problem, sir?" *opens box* ITS GOT NO TOPPINGS ON "sir, you've opened the box upside-down"
@HeroineAddict: Hey, people who use crystals or all-natural products instead of deodorant: You don't need to keep informing us. We know.
@beefman138: Dear people filming disasters : You need to zoom out before running for your lives. Nobody likes blurry footage, you selfish animals.
@AGreaterMonster: Someone stole my car from the Target parking lot, but fortunately they returned it at 11:00 pm when it was the only car left in the lot.