@toni_goldsetin: My mom always has these great sayings for life, like "Don't count your chickens before they hatch" and "Everybody hates you."
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@JessObsess: I used to feel sorry for people eating lunch by themselves but now I feel sorry for the people eating lunch with other people.
@burntmybagel: My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him "doctor."
@SerialFuckup: Today's life lesson: "I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing them off is a piece of cake."