@Smethanie: My mom asked if my kids are driving me to drink with the snow days. Told her I've been drinking at home, stupid kids can't reach the pedals.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ericsshadow: No thanks Audi; I get all the uncompromised luxury I can handle by driving whatever car my wife thinks makes me look the most married.
@Rollinintheseat: "Hi, I'm Rob Thomas for the Organ Donor Association. Give me your heart, make it real or else forget about it."
@WilliamAder: Invited a homeless guy to Thanksgiving dinner this morning, so when he shows up at your place, let him in.
@Reverend_Scott: [hands mom flowers on Mother's day] thanks for a life of sacrifice, these cost me twenty bucks