@Brianhopecomedy: My Mom asked me to help her sign up to Twitter so I did and she's really enjoying Google Plus.
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@Jake_Vig: Dear President of Mexico, DO NOT fall for Trump's old trick where he mumbles "guypayingtobuildthewallsayswhat?" and you say "What?"
@TheMichaelRock: My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
@ilovepie84: My Boss called me immature today so I gave him a wedgie and made fun of his ugly family.