@Mama_in_heels: My mom asked where the remote was and my son told her it was up her ass. She high-fived him and then turned around and slapped me.
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@markedly: Friend: Dude, you need to get into her pants. Me: [imagining how soft her leggings would feel over my thighs] YES
@BrainFumbles: "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the tru-" I choose dare, your honor "Bailiff, please hi-five the defendant"