@sara_ashlynn: My mom called and gave me the weekly weather report. I can't wait to do this to my kids.
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@Michael_Erhart: [Sea fishing] Me: This is fun. [Deep sea fishing] Me: Many men go fishing all their lives without knowing that it's not fish they're after.
@AbrasiveGhost: [Opens a beer at the park] "Dude. There's kids here." Oh shit how rude of me. [turns] IF YOU KIDS WANT SOME BEERS THEYRE IN THE COOLER
@marveljedi: when pennywise said “i’m not real enough for you? it was real enough for georgie” i was like damn alright PETTYwise that was uncalled for
@Social_Mime: Wife - You ate all of the Reeses eggs? Me - You left them out in the open on the top shelf under the shirts in the back of the closet.