@veggiefemme: My mom doesn't understand that powdered donuts are eaten over cd cases while in cars, and my friends love donuts, and that's why. (Not blow)
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@dumbbeezie: I deserve an Oscar for acting like I can see a baby when someone shows me an ultrasound pic
@iamspacegirl: [after blowing out all the candles on my cake] him: Did you wish for world peace again? me: haha of course. *A WILD SQUIRTLE APPEARS*
@Matty_Softmitts: I confuse "playing dead" with "playing dumb" so if I ever encounter a bear I'll probably be like "Listen, I don't even know how I got here."
@PanicRestroom: Whenever I see someone posting a picture with a celebrity, I comment: "Who's that next to you?"