@djdarrellripley: My mom has a rule that we do nothing on Christmas that Jesus didn't do. Apparently, Jesus drank a pitcher of martinis & hit on the caterer..
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AristotlesNZ: Got caught again. Next time I'm stealin alcohol from the neighbor's, I gotta remember not to do it hummin the Mission Impossible theme song.
@XOperfectmessXO: You're like a dressing room You make me want to take my clothes off and try things
@RobElliottComic: Mr. Buffalo: I caught my son making out with a girl Me: SWEET! Mr. Buffalo: And a boy Me: So, I guess you could say he's your... Bi-son
@IvankaTrump: Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"