@djdarrellripley: My mom has a rule that we do nothing on Christmas that Jesus didn't do. Apparently, Jesus drank a pitcher of martinis & hit on the caterer..
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@jonnysun: hey ther delilah wats it like in gotham city is the joker stil in jail-- sory-- i mean-- u look so prety yes u do batman is not as cool as u
@my_boy_joey: I just saw a raccoon get hit by a Smart Car. The poor lil fella suffered a sprained ankle.
@BruceForce: Haha, murder? No officer, I just wanted to see what would happen if I planted a human
@IamEnidColeslaw: may your fathers prosper. may your friends be uglier than you. may your exes get food poisoning