@good_one_rick: my mom is yelling at my stepdad over the difference between a pillow sham and a pillowcase and I tell you what if you get the opportunity to move in with your parents as an adult you should loads of fun highly recommend
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@FrazzleMyGimp: DR: Good news and bad news LADY: What’s the bad news DR: Your husbands dead LADY: *crying* Oh my god DR: *holding finished sudoku behind back* Ask what the good news is
@t_cuppp: Sit-ups are no fun, sharpie abs are definitely the way to go if you want permanent results.
@man_spach: My car ran out of gas in a trailer park and now I have the most expensive home in the neighborhood.