@kevnasto: My mom just learned how to text. And her text to me said "can you hear me?"
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@DaveWeasel: If you don't like the way you look naked, remember; by the time you have your clothes off, its the other person's problem.
@Faux_Ma: Her: "My baby paints with her food because she's artistic." Me: "That or your baby paints with her food because she's a goddamn baby."
@pyepar: Left home on Friday night, got bck home on Monday night. Grandma: U kids dnt knw hw 2 party, wen I ws ur age, I'd come back after a month
@bencoffeehall: If peeing was an Olympic event, I would win gold. But then I would miss the awards ceremony because I was taking a leak.