@FSUSteve: My mom just replied to my text with "K." Whooooaaa busy lady, is there some emergency over on FarmVille?
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@ArfMeasures: [Me as a hairdresser] ME: What do u think of your haircut HER: I need more volume ME [leans in too close] WHAT DO U THINK OF YOUR HAIRCUT
@Laser_Cat: All the girls I've ever kissed can agree on one thing. It's weird that I have a beak.
@matt___nelson: "Will he ever wake up?" He's been in a coma for 3 weeks but watch this. *starts playing Pitbull* *patient wakes up to turn off the music*
@causticbob: Breaking News. Apple is to buy Ireland to solve the debt problem. It will be rebranded iLand