@FSUSteve: My mom just replied to my text with "K." Whooooaaa busy lady, is there some emergency over on FarmVille?
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@markydoodoo: THERAPIST: what brings you in today? ME: sharks lack the ability to hug. THERAPIST: *starts to cry*
@Death_Buddy: You sneeze, and a tiny book titled "A spiders guide to navigating the human brain" shoots out your nose. You faintly hear a spider cussing.
@JDBooie: Instead of a sock on your door, hang a doughnut. Not only is Doughnut Disturb hilarious, you provide a snack for your now homeless roommate.
@weinerdog4life: If you beat a man with a mustache in a fist fight, you get to keep his mustache.