@FSUSteve: My mom just replied to my text with "K." Whooooaaa busy lady, is there some emergency over on FarmVille?
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@EndhooS: [Calls boss] I won't be in today "Why not?" [camera pans out to a raccoon wearing sunglasses driving away in my car] I've got the shits.
@MomofTeen: Gravy boat. Gravy boat. All the dishes are on my son's bedroom floor so I'm drinking coffee from a GRAVY BOAT!
@kumailn: "Wow there are a lot of non-brown people in Gaza." - anyone tuning into Ferguson coverage late