@OhNoSheTwitnt: My mom just texted me to say that her dog killed 2 groundhogs in her backyard this morning so I think she may be doing Groundhog Day wrong.
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@aecide: Saw my neighbor in a peeing contest with his dog on his porch. My mum said there'd be days like this but she never said there'd be so many.
@rolldiggity: "What should we name this fruit?" "Passion!" "..." "..." "Let's not let Todd name any more fruits."
@autocorrects: Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together, Hermoine went alone and got attacked by a troll.