@blondediva11: My mom keeps telling me there are plenty of fish in the sea. She REALLY doesn't get me anymore. I. Don't. Want. A. Fish.
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@maebemarbles: *grandma climbs into time machine* *shuts the door behind her* MOM NANA IS STUCK IN THE GRANDFATHER CLOCK AGAIN
@FullGrownChris: "Where are you all going?" A lifeboat. The Titanic is sinking. "You guys are booked til 2. Trust me, this'll be great exposure for your band
@NYC_Blonde: I hate when my boyfriend's snoring wakes me up and then I realize it was my snoring and I don't have a boyfriend and I'm going to die alone.