@blondediva11: My mom keeps telling me there are plenty of fish in the sea. She REALLY doesn't get me anymore. I. Don't. Want. A. Fish.
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@hereholddeez: Neighbors of serial killers always describe them as "really nice" people. Who else is a "really nice" neighbor? Canada. I'm just sayin'
@ValeeGrrl: Hey, parents of an only child considering having one more, know that I just split an M&M in half. An M&M. In half.
@JoshuaHvr: Boss: "Are you texting?" Me: "No, I'm Tweeting." Boss: "What's the difference?" Me: "Texting would imply that I have friends."