@scorpicpanda: My mom likes to call from baseball games just to say she can't hear me 25 times.
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@JohnHilsen: Did you know that Mark Zuckerberg and the guy who played the blue Power Ranger are cousins? Just not to each other. But they are cousins.
@ClichedOut: [campfire] Me: (flashlight to face) "af" didn't exist. Millennials: (gasp) Me: We had to use "adverbs." (one faints)
@mrtruthandsoul: No thanks, ads to buy more followers; I get them the old-fashioned way: by telling them they're gonna die and I can save them.
@TheBoydP: Well well well, if it isn't the guy who sprayed air freshener into my restroom stall...