@davidstassen: My mom likes to get to the airport three days before her flight.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: Pediatrician: How much water does she drink? Me: You mean like water water or bath water?
@Ohaiqtpie: I want to name my daughter Katie but that spelling is too common so I'll spell it Potassiumatie.
@TheToddWilliams: [lumberjack interview] BOSS: I'm gonna "axe" you a few questions. Haha do you get it? ME: Yeah I "saw" that coming BOSS: Ooo welcome aboard!