@ashley_barnhill: My mom once asked if Jack Frost was based on a true story. Jack Frost is a movie where a father dies and returns as a snowman.
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@thejessbess: First date: *puts entire onion ring in mouth* If yo'lik et ven yo'shoulla puh a wring owh it.
@cramoska: Make people question sincerity by adding quotations to your cards: "Thank You" Get well "soon" "Congratulations" on the "baby"
@lawyerthoughts: *throws phone over courthouse metal detector. catches phone on the other side. resumes conversation*