@tealbluejay: My mom once called me at 3am to tell me some long lost relative died and hung up on me when I asked if they'd still be dead at 8am.
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@TheCiscoKidder: Thinking about getting married? My wife got mad at me for doing all the yard work because we are in a fitbit step challenge together.
@KimDotcom: "The problem with quotes on the Internet is that they're not always accurate." - Albert Einstein
@mattr_in_nc: Contrary to popular belief, tigers do not holler if you catch them by the toe. Also, could someone call an ambulance?
@RidiculousSheri: "You look really pretty today," I said as I looked in the mirror, and my reflection replied, "And you...um, you have a GREAT personality."