@RowdyBerger: My mom thought my laptop on the floor was a scale. My mom weighs 800 dollars
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: [in court] Judge: You're the prosecutor? Prosecutor: Yes. Judge: So then who is this? Me: (flips hair) I'm the prosecutest.
@ArfMeasures: [prehistoric times] MUM: When you get married, your husband will be the hunter DAUGHTER: So I gather
@faggrat: time zones are so weird like, australia is already in 2018, europe still in 2017 and the US in 1950...so weird lmaoo