@KyleMcDowell86: My mom told me not to cry wolf, but it was too late.Wolves were pouring out of my tear ducts, filling the kitchen and adjoining living room.
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@Vodkantots: "We hug and kiss, but people just don't lick each other." -yet another lie I just told my toddler
@longwall26: Just a reminder that your coworkers aren't going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
@abbycohenwl: Friend: Are you growing your hair out? Me: I have no idea. Honestly, I never thought I'd live this long