@hotsoccerchic69: my mom walked in when I was printing out a naked picture of a woman in 5th grade& we sat there in silence listening to the loud, 90s printer
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@GetCougarized: Customer spelling her name: Me: Is that V as in Victor or Z as in Zebra? Her: Z as in Xylophone. And this, kids, is why education is key.
@Bluestmoon_: 78% of parenting is spent anxiously praying they don't notice the minuscule lego piece you just vacuumed up.
@KalvinMacleod: INTERVIEWER: your resume says that you take things too literally ME: how the hell did my resume say that?