@hotsoccerchic69: my mom walked in when I was printing out a naked picture of a woman in 5th grade& we sat there in silence listening to the loud, 90s printer
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@TheToddWilliams: [boxing match] ANNOUNCER: ...and the challenger weighing 8lbs 7oz, Billy "The Baby" Sanchez CHAMP: That's a real baby TRAINER: You got this
@Iwriteforcats: The best part about being a comma is that you're usually followed by a nice big BUT.
@Storminika: I can't sleep; so I went out & got 2 donuts, glued them to my eyes, climbed up a tree & pretended I'm an owl.
@shariv67: Whenever someone says smart phones are turning people into zombies, look up from your phone just long enough to bite them.