@buriedwithkids: My mom wants to see 50 Shades of Gray with me... I screamed, "OH HELL NO" and suggested we see Cinderella instead.
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@daemonic3: [at therapist] I don't know, sometimes I just feel invisible Therapist: WHO SAID THAT?!?
@Jarhead44: My ex just followed me on Twitter. That said: "Say hello to Hitler for me, Mary." *BLOCKED*
@curlycomedy: Lifehack: dress your young children in the colors of the food you are serving them to avoid outfit changes.