@primawesome: My mom was the best mom. I hope your mom spends today thinking about what she could've done to get on my mom's level.
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@Smooheed: When I'm pushing the twins in the pram and someone asks me if they're mine I say 'no, they're for my collection' and run as fast as I can
@nigelgodwin: I bought myself one of those "off road vehicles" last week... Paid $3000 for it, got it home and found out it was a Canoe!!!
@RoastedPapad: [ Buzzfeed writer becomes a teacher ] "Kids today we will learn Alphabets. Here are 26 Alphabets that will blow your mind"
@tastefactory: Let's ask the Ouija board a question. Is my wife's meatloaf good? *pointer moves to NO* You see, Debra? No I did not move it myself