@snowmedia: My mom worries about me too much. We were having a phone conversation till she dropped her phone. She picks it up and asks "are you OK?"
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@mattgallo123: "Don't be shy!" -people who don't understand how genetically determined character traits work
@McKnightyBoo: My 6yo has been rolling around on the floor for 30 mins whining for me to get her some juice cause SHE doesn't want to Go ahead. Have kids
@jonnysun: a•c•q•u•a•i•n•t•a•n•c•e•s (tv show, sitcom): six peopel avoid grabbing a cup of coffee together for 10 years
@Brampersandon_: Hey whatcha eating? "A pluot" Wtf is a pluot? "A cross between a plum & an apricot" That's really stupid. *rides off on a liger*