@stockejock: My mom's favorite part of my birthday is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.
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@Rollmaninoz: Buzz: hey Neil where do cows come from? Neil: I dunno where Buzz: the moooon haha .. .. *single gunshot* Neil: uh Houston we have a problem
@Thynebear: Teacher: You can do anything you set your mind to [I try to sneak outta class but somehow mess up the pull door twice] Except maybe that guy
@NicestHippo: ME: Lord, what have I done to deserve this GOD: *unfurls a scroll that keeps going for miles* Well