@stockejock: My mom's favorite part of my birthday is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.
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@rocknthepurple: 2yo's favorite cartoon is teaching him about centrifugal force. When I was little, my favorite cartoon taught me never to order from Acme.
@TheDreamGhoul: When someone asks "What's your favorite film?" instead of "What's your favorite movie?" I know instantly that my answer will disappoint them
@ojedge: Wife: "Are you ok? You look exhausted." Me: "I saw one of those silica gel packs that says 'Do Not Eat' 4 days ago & I'm starving to death"
@vineyille: Scientist next to me: My god. Reality is a simulation. Me (also a scientist): My god. I haven't fed my tamagotchi in 17 years.