@_oculusmundi: My moods don't just swing - they bounce, pivot, recoil, rebound, oscillate, fluctuate and occasionally pirouette.
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@allthatisbecca: I knew I was in trouble when the lady doing my nails shouted "WHO DO YOUR EYEBROW?!"
@CornOnTheGoblin: Test results are in, you might want to have a seat "I'd rather stand" Are you sure? You have "Falls Down When Gets Bad News" disease *Thud*
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: have you been taking your diabetes meds daily? PATIENT: no DR DOG: *hits him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper* Bad patient!
@sirmunchie: My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn't just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.