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@drunknerdpro: My moral compass just spins.
@pakalupapito: i want all the extra fat on my body to fall off and turn into $65,000 cash
@Home_Halfway: Hi, 911? I see someone from high school in this coffee shop and they're the type to corner & chat me up and I don't know what to do HI LAURA
@kumailn: Fireworks? Yes it does.
@swiftenhaal: If Iron Man and the Man of Steel were to team up, they'd be powerful alloys.
@mrtruthandsoul: [3 AM]
5yo: *sobbing* Daddy
Me: Ughhh..yes, sweetheart, what's wrong?
5yo: I'm lonely...
Me: Then, don't ever get married.
5yo: Ok, Daddy.