@TheSharona06: My morning commute was hectic today. I tripped over a dog toy and almost spilled my coffee. I made it to the couch safely though.
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@TheToddWilliams: [Jedi Training] TRAINER: Any questions? STUDENT: Can the Force be with me? TRAINER: I don't know...CAN it? STUDENT: Oh right...May the Force
@TheDrunkStory: "I don't understand why people try to act drunk. I spend most of my time trying to act sober." - Florida State
@UncleDuke1969: Receptionist: "That lady in the waiting room is picking her nose." Plastic Surgeon: "Good! That'll save me some time. Send her right in."