@TheSharona06: My morning commute was hectic today. I tripped over a dog toy and almost spilled my coffee. I made it to the couch safely though.
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@causticbob: My boss is coming to my grandad's funeral tomorrow. He said, after his 3 previous funerals he personally wants to see him go in the ground
@Rlpihl: Noah: I need 2 of every animal Shark: even us? Noah: no, you can swim Unicorn: I'm pretty good at swimming Noah: go for it
@Brianhopecomedy: I've tried everywhere so I can confirm that there is no snooze button on a baby.
@VikeeysSecret: Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.