@subtleapt: My mother always told me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"...and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.
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@SexytotheNorth: *Snowstorm on it's way* America - we need to stock up on bread and milk! Canadians - better hit the beer store.
@sad_tree: *shows up to date with horse drawn carriage* "I'm so surprised!" Yes it's a terrible drawing of a carriage but he didn't have thumbs so
@JordyHamrick: Just saw a homeless woman try to use a cat as a telephone. She accepted a cigarette in exchange for the cat. Cat is my telephone now.
@SteveSuckington: Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? B: What? You aren't doing anything M: sorry I'm super high. What was the question?