@subtleapt: My mother always told me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"...and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.
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@SuperApple8: If Ryan Gosling doesn't ask me to be his valentine, I'm moving on. This ship has sailed. This ball has sunk. This fart has flatulated.
@dreamthievin: "Ducklings are baby ducks," I say as I set the appetizer on the table. "Enjoy your dumplings, Ma'am."
@Book_Krazy: Mom: I think I'll name her Jenny. Dr: I'm sorry, that name is already taken, but you can name her jenny_2828
@KateWhineHall: 10yo: You know that's not what they mean by exercise, right? Me: Pfft. [continues shaking Fitbit up and down]