@subtleapt: My mother always told me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"...and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.
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@TheAlexNevil: Based on the musicians who thanked him at the Grammys, I gotta say: I'm not crazy for God's taste in music.
@xysist: Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam's ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
@awkwardphilippe: [creating humans] God: They will have a powerful immune system Assistant: Boring God: ok some will die from eating a peanut A: Nice, nice
@KeetPotato: GF: "you're so childish" me: "it's my day too linda" [we sit in silence] wedding planner: "so is that a yes or a no on the bouncy castle?"