@itsboyschapter: My mother always told me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"...and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.
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@SarahAMoulton: I bet when humans 1st learned to eat there were a lot of mishaps. "Just tried the sand, Betty, probably a 2 out of 10. Don't eat the sand."
@msdanifernandez: [dean tries handing me a diploma as I walk across the stage] I have a boyfriend