@perhapssomeday: My mother arrives on Friday, so I have to do three months worth of cleaning in 48 hours. Also, lose 30 pounds and live up to my potential.
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@marcmack: My son called me 'Marc' I said "That's a little presumptuous. Call me Dad" He replied "Now who's being presumptuous?"
@iinkedZombie: [courtroom] Me: "I OBJECT YOUR HONOR" Judge: on what grounds? "LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO" Prosecutor: he's good Judge: *slams gavel* case dismissed.
@TheHyyyype: ME: i honestly only had one drink WIFE: i don't believe a word you just said ME: no, i swear *pulls out dictionary* they're all real
@weenbeans: me: "okay I might as well just say it..I love you" girl dinosaur: "omg u have no idea how long I've waited for u to say that!" *meteorite*