@RamblingMachine: My Mother asked me to suggest names for my brother's prospective children. I said I'll name the girl 'Denise' and the boy 'Denephew'.
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@Petote: Be a firefighter they said, Rescue kittens & throw them into fire they said, Youre misinformed they said, We're calling the police they said
@man_in_radiator: My neighbor upstairs bought a new treadmill and I accidentally just shot five holes in my ceiling.
@SocialustGal13: My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That's the last time we're playing Monopoly.