@thecrabbyhook: My mother has now been sending me a Valentine's card for 28 years. She's persistent but I'm not interested.
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@glo_stevens: Mama said there'd be days like this, and also "knock you out" ??? I don't know, you talk to her. She sounds drunk.
@Book_Krazy: Boss: Where were you on Friday? Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...
@BoogTweets: 911: Sir, I understand you think it did it against your will and was aggressive but we can't arrest an auto flush toilet. Me: I WASNT READY