@ddsmidt: My mother-in-law said "just do what you normally do" when she came to stay with us. Not going to lie, naked Saturday was a little awkward.
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@sad_tree: [job interview] "So why do you want to be a jeweler?" ME(thinking about using that eye thing to appraise chicken nuggets): I love rubies
@SocialExtortion: How to pick up women: 1-approach beautiful lady 2-bend at the knees 3-lift gently 4-oh god she's screaming 5-put her down the cops are here
@kyle_thatisall: If your girl says "Hey guess what!" you better already have your super excited blown away face picked out for whatever nonsense comes next.
@SlabBaconBP: Im the guy that says "Is he bothering you?" when some douche is hitting on you, just so I can hang around and bother you after he goes away.