@Brianhopecomedy: My mother-in-law talked non-stop while we watched Criminal Minds and now I have an idea for a cool new episode.
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@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I need to draw some blood." Me: "Okay." Doctor: "Do you have a red crayon I could borrow?"
@causticbob: The kidnapper rang and said "£10,000 and you get your wife back" "Negotiate with him!" advised the policeman "£20,000 and she's all yours"
@iinkedZombie: Wife: "Oh my God! You really ONLY hear what you want!" Me: "Thanks! I've been working out!"