@MarkAgee: My mother-in-law's text alert is an entire song. Starting to think my father-in-law's rage isn't really from Vietnam.
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@sip_at_home_mom: My toddler punched me in the eye, then made me kiss his hand, 'cause his fist hurt. And he'll hear about it every Mother's Day until I die.
@dumbbeezie: Naked and Afraid but it's just you in someone else's bathroom with a toilet that won't flush
@silvertongue37: My ex wife recently told me I run away from my problems. Apparently not far enough.
@ElleOhHell: 911? I'm a man trapped in a woman's body! "That's not exactly an emergency." Oh. Huh. Ok. *Tries door in Statue of Liberty again*