@CtotheASS: My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Which cup do you want? 2-year-old: That one! Me: Let's pick a different one. 2-year-old: No! *drinks milk from a shot glass*
@EJGomez: trump: ban muslims jeb bush: i disagree. just like dad would. who used to be president ben carson: how did spongebob make fire underwater
@jazmasta: In a parallel universe, a group of sentient guitars groan as one guitar gets out a human at a party.
@bornmiserable: "This race is over," said Donald Trump, referring to the entire human race if he is elected president.