@amishschool: My mother talks into the phone like a combat soldier calling in air support.
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@SirEvisiae: EVERYONE FREEZE THIS IS A ROBBERY! "What's that?" It...it's a sawed-off shotgun. "Aren't you supposed to use the other half?" ...shit.
@BlindChow: [girl chatting up guy at bar] girl: so what do you do? magician: i halve a girlfriend
@freypalm: Date: Cat-callers disgust me. Me: [hastily returning phone to pocket] Oh haha yeah me too. My cat: *at home by the phone worried sick*