@amishschool: My mother talks into the phone like a combat soldier calling in air support.
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@AndrewNadeau0: WIFE: How could you spend our money on this? ME: *Dressing ducklings in tiny raincoats* They live outside, Karen. They need this.
@GrantTanaka: "You know the speed limit here, son?" 45 "You know how fast you were going?" 88 "So where you off to in such a hurry?" 1985
@EndhooS: [1st day seal clubbing] Me: OMG this is awful Guy: [choking back tears] I know right? Me: [feeding MDMA to a seal pup] There isn't even a DJ
@inanimatecorpse: The bit in Snow White when Grumpy's like "put her in a glass coffin so we can see her decompose" And Doc's like "Man! You're getting worse!"