@amishschool: My mother talks into the phone like a combat soldier calling in air support.
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@KalvinMacleod: ME: how do you stop yourself from falling all the way to China? GHOST: I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to haunt a different house.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: If Elsa could bring snow to life why didn't she make herself some pets? I'd have like 50 snowcats by now.
@MarfSalvador: [Valentine's Day] Me: I got you a bunch of flowers GF: Thanks Me: There were loads just by the roadside. Got you a teddy and a candle too
@Try2StopME: Customer care: Your call is important to us, please hold on. Customer: *completes graduation* *gets a job* *gets married* *gets old* *dies*