@AksharPathak: My mother was feeling cold so now I'm wearing a sweater.
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@TheAlexNevil: I tried to contact Joan Rivers through my ouija board, and a message came back: "If I wasn't already dead, your outfit would've killed me".
@GrantTanaka: We should probably abolish the death penalty since we don't even get to throw rotten vegetables at people anymore
@TEXASVETERAN: My dad annoyed my mom calling her "Mother of 7" until the day she called him "Father of 4".
@Rollmaninoz: Growing up, mum was always like a beautiful bird. She would fly away and when she returned many hours later she would puke everywhere.