@iSpeakComedy: My mother was so overprotective we were only allowed to play rock, paper.
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@chimneyspotter: DATE: ...so that's how I ended up at Harvard Law! ME: Sometimes I make a fruit salad in my mouth by biting into different kinds of fruit LOL
@djdarrellripley: Her: Oh, you brought me flowers! Me: Yes, one of the many benefits of living next door to a graveyard...
@krisv_723: *Gets called into HR Me: What was I accused of now? HR: I haven't had any sexual harassment claims against you lately. Is everything ok?