@iSpeakComedy: My mother was so overprotective we were only allowed to play rock, paper.
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@hippieswordfish: hey, a mime! *mime starts having heart attack* hes pretending to die lol *mime collapses* *hours later still watching his body* wow hes good
@ThisOneSayz: Maid of Honor speeches shouldn't end with, "I'll see you all at her next one." I know that now.
@GrantTanaka: "Can you validate my parking?" "You parked beautifully. Your dad would be proud." *wipes away tears* "Thanks."
@Teowulf: We get it - "Bacardi" rhymes with "party," "bottle" rhymes with "model," and "sex" rhymes with "text." You rappers can stop rapping now.