@MisterWarr: My neck tattoos are so big the three people after me don't get hired either.
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@djdarrellripley: Her: Wasn't it fun cutting down our own Christmas tree? Me: Yea, especially when that guy chased us out of his yard...
@hippieswordfish: kid doctor: [looking over charts] im not going to lie this is the worst case of cooties ive ever seen little girl: he said he'd been tested!
@GrantTanaka: black friday is crazy, I just maced a kid then some old woman shot me with a crossbow
@BrickStoneNews: Do Russia and Uganda realize if they put all their gay people in jail then jail will become the nicest part of their country?