@MisterWarr: My neck tattoos are so big the three people after me don't get hired either.
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@Donnie_Fairburn: Her: Let's go see 50 Shades of Grey Me: Tonight? Her: Yes [After the movie] Her: OMG that was so hot! Me: Mom, please just stop talking
@milkin_hunnies: "What kind of dog is this?" "Well actu.." "Hes cute" *pets it* "Sir thats my.." *picks it up* "Your a good dog arent you?" "PUT MY SON DOWN"
@jergarl: Wife: What ARE you doing? Me: [pelvic thrusting around the kitchen] Gettin jiggy wit it what's it look like? W: Making the dog nervous.