@TheBoydP: My neighbor called me an old drunk which really offended me. I'm not that old...
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@kumailn: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa" - the soundtrack to every Middle Eastern scene in every Hollywood movie.
@GrantTanaka: if you stand up in a hospital waiting room & loudly announce your name & why you're there, sometimes another person will do it too
@sixthformpoet: If you watch Twitter backwards, it's about millions of socially-awkward people gradually learning how to survive in the real world.
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: The vasectomy was a success. But until it's healed completely, you'll need to wear this *places cone around patient's neck*