@DirtMcTurd: My neighbor crashed her car while listening to Adele. She went rolling in the Jeep
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@Brianhopecomedy: I told my wife that size shouldn't matter so she went out shopping and bought my "boys room" a new 4 inch TV.
@ninatreemonkey: The gardener at my work put beer in the garden to catch slugs SO GUESS WHO JUST BECAME A SLUG
@SketchesbyBoze: VOTERS: we want to give a boat a ridiculous name UK: no VOTERS: we want to break up the EU and trash the world economy UK: fine
@audipenny: [speaking very loudly to no one trying to impress someone nearby] Man what am I going to do with all these hens