@Muath_tu: My neighbor doesn't like it when I put garbage in his backyard so I stopped burying people there.
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@QwertyJones3: Wife: He's your son! Me: So you say! But I don't... *Kid dances across the room to the Benny Hill theme song* Me: ...ok fine he's my son.
@Elizasoul80: [At auto store] Employee: How can we get you to walk out of here with 4 tires? "Sir, you are wildly overestimating my strength."
@ermahgarton: MURDERER: could a murderer do THIS? *defendant proceeds to not kill anyone* JUDGE: he's got a point