@NJPsychDoc: My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his better half. I returned the courtesy by introducing my wife to him as the lesser of two evils.
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@jordan_stratton: Remember--the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your appearance, lack of talent, and general personality.
@That_Damn_Duck: Hell hath no fury like woman tagged in a Facebook photo that makes her look fat.
@BackrowSeats: I'll sleep when I'm dead. I'll sleep tonight as well. There's also a pretty good chance I'll take a nap soon.
@NurseSeymour: There are only two things in this world visible from space. One is the Great Wall of China and the other is my pile of laundry.