@StoferComic: My neighbor just planed an orange tree. I told him, "That's a strange color for a tree."
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@KimmyMonte: I think the first person to see a pug was like wait why is that sweet potato snorting?
@ElgatoEsmio: I TRADED MY ALARM CLOCK FOR A KOALA SO I CAN SLEEP UNTIL HE STARTS BEGGING FOR LEAVES WHICH’S LIKE 3 DAYS
@Brampersandon_: ME: *does entire national anthem with armpit farts* WIFE: see what I mean? THERAPIST: Mmmhmm *writes in notes: "she's nuts. This guy rules*