@StoferComic: My neighbor just planed an orange tree. I told him, "That's a strange color for a tree."
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@underchilde: A jury of my peers would just be 12 people who hate that they had to get up before noon.
@_Tempo11: Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I'm a big perv.
@lgbk44: Avoid office small talk by maintaining that facial expression between first sneeze and second sneeze
@daemonic3: REALTOR: This community has a great neighborhood watch WIFE: [sees me suddenly excited] Don't you dare ME: WHO DECIDES WHO GETS TO WEAR IT