@ieatanddrink: My neighbor put up like $3,000 worth of Christmas lights but I showed him by putting out a nativity scene with like 20 baby Jesuses
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@PajamaStew: Through a telescope, I see a woman on a planet light years away. She waves. I wave. I awkwardly realize she is waving to the guy behind me.
@Squirreljustice: I'm wearing a burqa, fencing mask, & a welding helmet while reading a book on cannibalism & an old lady on the bus still wants to chat.
@NikkiGlaser: Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
@Robski_Boy: I still get my 'drive-throughs' & 'drive-bys' mixed up. Which is the one where I have to take a gun?