@ieatanddrink: My neighbor put up like $3,000 worth of Christmas lights but I showed him by putting out a nativity scene with like 20 baby Jesuses
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@CulturedRuffian: Doughnuts alone won't fill the emptiness in your soul...you'll also need chocolate milk.
@gojarbe: me: wanna see my cat's shed? friend: lots of cats shed. why would-- [my cat enters wearing a tool belt] cat: show him the gazebo, too
@Jake_Vig: THERAPIST: You're cured. ME: Really?!? THERAPIST: No, of course not. How did that make you feel?