@Kendragarden: My neighbor said "nice skirt" so I said, "thanks, it helps me not blast Miley Cyrus at 6 in the morning, you should borrow it sometime."
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@Manda_like_wine: 7yo: "Who's singing this?" Me: "Franz Ferdinand." 7yo: "But, he died in 1914." Me:
@Cuntypants: Sorry I yelled "SURPRISE!" when you caught me in bed with your husband. I was unaware that you don't like surprises.
@iGreenBabe: When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
@Tommytoughstuff: *Picks up extra virgin olive oil. *smirks* "Not for long my friend. Not for long."